Me first? #BookBytes – 5

I finished reading this delightful book. Here’s a quote that spoke to me.

‘This is what you do’, Mindi said. ‘You follow your so called passions and don’t consider the consequences for other people.’
This charge again. It would be easier to be a criminal fairly prosecuted by the law than an Indian daughter who wronged her family. A crime would be punishable by a jail sentence of definite duration rather than this uncertain length of family guilt trips.” 

Balli Kaur Jaswal, Erotic Stories for Punjabi Widows

This quote got me thinking. And it’s not just about daughters, though it definitely holds more true for women in general. While I don’t support the old-fashioned idea of self-sacrificing women, I do think one needs to consider the repercussions of one’s action, specially on loved ones. No one is an island, at least most people aren’t. So what one does is, more often than not, likely to impact others.

And yet one owes a debt to oneself – to do the best for one’s own self. So how far should one go in search of personal excellence or satisfaction or simply in the pursuit of passion or happiness? How does one strike a balance?

That’s a decision each one of us has to make for oneself. What do your think?


If you stumble upon a quote, a line (or two) or even a passage from a book that leaps out at you demanding to be shared do join in with #BookBytes. Here’s what you have to do:

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  • Book Bytes goes live every 1st and 3rd Tuesday of the month so the next edition is scheduled for April 16th. Do join in.
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23 thoughts on “Me first? #BookBytes – 5

  1. Pingback: The trouble with life #BookBytes 2 – The Bespectacled Mother

    1. Obsessivemom Post author

      There are so many issues that are peculiar to just women, the expectations, the pressure to conform, the being taken for granted, the thought that ‘obviously she will sacrifice’. It’s a bit of an uphill battle but things re changing and that is heartening.

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  2. Rachna

    You know this balance is so tricky. While the society has all kinds of expectations and most times personally I have not cared. It helped to have parents who carved their own paths and never once uttered log kya kahenge. And also because I was never much of a rebel though a firebrand for sure. I guess how far a person goes to do something at the cost of others close to them is a very personal call. So many of us ‘sacrifice’ including the men because that is what we do when we raise a family. I think it is easier to rebel when you have really stifling circumstances or perhaps not enough courage to rebel. Complicated, eh?
    P.S I loved this book. So many thought-provoking quotes in this book.

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    1. Obsessivemom Post author

      Yup it definitely. I always has to be a personal call. And it always has to be a balance. I think, as is the case with Nikki, children can often afford to be way more selfish when it comes to their parents. And you’re right about men having to face similar pressures.

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  3. Pingback: Book Review: Normal People by Sally Rooney - Sanch Writes

  4. Sanch @ Sanch Writes

    It is an interesting quote – I think sadly women are the ones who keep sacrificing their dreams and needs all the time. People in general though, need to think about the impact of their actions on others but sometimes, I do wonder why we think following our dreams is selfish. Yes, there may be repercussions monetarily or in terms of stress, but while no man is an island, we are all still responsible for how we feel and respond. Not sure if that makes sense.

    I’ve linked my recent book review to this: https://www.sanchwrites.com/2019/04/book-review-normal-people-by-sally-rooney/

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    Reply
    1. Obsessivemom Post author

      What you say does make sense – which is why the confusion. The other side also makes sense – there is a thin line between self-care and selfishness. One has to think through long-term repercussions of one’s actions. Not easy at all.
      Thank you for linking up.

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  5. Shalzmojo

    Ah the guilt conditioned into us women from birth is at the root cause of this malady.
    I love this concept and will join in very soon with some bookish quotes for sure!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Obsessivemom Post author

      You’re one of the reasons I reached out for this book, so thanks. Would love to have to here.

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    1. Obsessivemom Post author

      It was good. An unusual concept, though I thought the erotic bit was overplayed but good nonetheless.

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  6. Parul Thakur

    So true. You know I do believe strongly in following passion and what we really want to do. But for me the line is where selflessness turns to selfishness. Where it becomes all about oneself.
    Btw, that book is one amazing book.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  7. freakelle

    True words, Tulika. I’ve had guilt trips with my very own people. Somewhere I feel mistakes often open us up to what’s happening within us and around us. Most things take time to heal and mistakes often make us feel bitter initially and better only after acceptance.

    I am enjoying this book bytes series. I am planning to join in Tulika.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Obsessivemom Post author

      Oh I hope you will join in.
      You’re right one can learn from one’s mistakes provided one is positive enough to do that.

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      1. Natasha

        Ok then I got to take your word for it and give it a go, Tullika. I have faith in your reviews. ♥️

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    1. Obsessivemom Post author

      Most of us instinctively strive to please others, specially girls and women. However, it is important not to lose ones sense of self. I’m glad you’re finding your way Damyanti.

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